A coach of mine once told me that this phrase was one of her favorite mantras.
"Everything is always working out for me."
At the time, it seemed like a sort of delusional confidence. The kind of toxic positivity where someone preaches that if you just repeat positive affirmations everything you want will magically appear in your life.
*Disclaimer, I knew the coach well and understood she was not one to push toxic positivity, but some remnants of shitty advice linger in all of us*
I discarded the phrase, because it didn't resonate with me, and I am a big proponent of take what you need, leave what you don't.
Then, recently, the phrase started popping into my mind. I have been focusing on the process of surrendering, and allowing what is going to happen, happen.
There is only so much that we can do to enact change. We can show up, put in the effort, and then at some point, it's out of your hands and you just have to trust that the effort you put in will garner the results you want.
But what happens when it all goes wrong?
This fear based question is what keeps us grasping for control. We try to micro-manage every last detail, including others behaviors, other's decisions, the weather, traffic, etc. to make sure that there is NO chance that things won't turn out the way that we want.
If you find yourself trying to control things that are completely out of your control, chances are you are having some trouble trusting that things will work out for you.
So as I am journeying in learning to surrender to the outcome, the phrase "Everything is always working out for me" has taken on a new meaning from my first interpretation. (Perhaps it was what my coach intended originally...)
"Everything is always working out for me" doesn't mean that I get whatever I want. It doesn't even mean that most of the time I get what I want. It means that no matter what happens, I will be ok. I will move forward from my current circumstances and continue to build my life, to learn, and to receive new opportunities.
Whatever is happening, it will work out. It might involve pain, sadness, disappointment, frustration. It might not feel fun. But life is about ALL our emotions. Not just the happy joyful ones. So yes, a path may be painful, but we will grow through that pain. We will learn things about ourselves and about how we want to move forward.
Often times, if we are in pain (physical, mental, or emotional) we feel unsafe. But that's a false equivalency. We can be upset and safe. It's not fun, but it's safe. When I am going through those heavier moments, one of the first tools I reach for is this simple phrase: "I am safe" or it's sister phrase "I am not in danger right now."
The fear that because we are in pain we must not be safe creates resistance. Instead of observing our pain, we frantically search for safety. We seek out old coping mechanisms that feel comfortable even if logically we don't want that in our life. That is when the control freak takes over and we start to micro-manage every element we can get our hands on.
So when I am at the point where I have to let go and trust that things will work out for me, I remind myself that no matter what happens, I will be safe.
Because everything is always working out for me.
It may not easily work out. But it will work out. And I am safe.
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